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It’s finally time.

28 years of amazing memories ( 29 if you count my time as a fetus). My home, not anymore. My first everything- My first steps, my first words, my first school, my first friend. I can seriously go on with the list of the firsts. I did my entire schooling here. When I went to Dubai to do my graduation, I only felt more and more rooted to KSA and always defended ‘my home’ when people around asked if it was a boring or a mundane place to have lived all my life. 

I met my husband here. We had our first lunches and dinners, our first positive HPTs, we had both our children in the comfort and hustle and bustle of Almana khobar. My first ‘workplace’ was in Khobar. I remember when my dad picked me up after my first day at work and he said ‘Haifa! I can’t believe you just started working! Can you?’. I could. My life was going the way I had always envisioned.

And now, the changes are just pouuuring in, one after another. Saudi Arabia no longer feels the same, and I feel like I don’t belong here anymore.

I am sad my children won’t go to IISD. They won’t know the massiveness of a 14k strength school, the feeling of waiting yet whining over the Half Moon beach field trips year after year, winning the cluster meet over, and over and bragging about it, or awaiting the Board Exam results so they can show it off to those around that the best ones are from their school. They won’t know the comfort of the hospital like green and white walls, nor would they meet friends and teachers from varied backgrounds and cultures & thus learn aplenty from them. I think it would have been far tougher for me to leave from Khobar, and I am grateful that we had to shift to Riyadh two years ago. Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal!

I am sad that I won’t get to impulsively eat the cheapest comfort food, the tastiest… shawarma! I won’t be able to never care about ordering halal food. I can’t tell hubsy to buy me a SAR 1 Almarai custard or SAR 3 Galaxy chocolate from the baqala on the way home from work on days I felt edgy. I will miss the comfort, I will miss the early winters, I will miss a lot, yes. In the famous words of Rachel Greene (although on a different context) ‘It’s the end of an era!’.

But it makes way for a new one, no?

People have asked me how I feel about leaving KSA and how I’m coping with it. 

To be honest, Alhamdulillah I have no hard feelings. I’ve had a great 28 years span here, Alhamdulillah a million times. I’d love to leave now, when I still have love and respect for this country, and while I am yet to be stripped off my dignity. I see many, many people struggling, to pay school fees, rent, etc., Of course Rizq is from Allah, and knowing how volatile the country, job market, & economy is, I think this was a decision to be taken practically and not emotionally. Besides, when you have tawakkal on Allah and take decisions after doing istikhara, you don’t really care or contemplate of what couldG have been, nor allow room for regret. 

I know many of us are going through rough times, and a lot of us desis are having hard time to accept that there will come a time to go back home, either due to the financial and comfort levels in our home countries, or due to political situations that make us feel like we would never be accepted there due to our faith. Remember, dear sister and brothers, this is a reminder and just a gist of how unreal, unreliable, and unimportant Dunya really is. Nothing is permanent, and no matter our intentions, actions, and plans, there is always a bigger, better planner. 

After having decided that it was time to leave KSA, I was most definitely overwhelmed. Once I gathered myself, I realize how lucky I am! Alhamdulillah I have a country to call my own, a home to go to, a place with people whom I am related to by blood or law!

Back in the days I would hate the idea or thought of settling back in India, simply because I didn’t KNOW better. Beyond all the adjustments and lack of luxuries that we will have to face when we go back, there are so many things that happen when we’re in our hometown that helps us grow and mould and in turn contribute to better upbringing of our kids. 

A few months back when they had proposed the expat fees, I was sitting on the sofa and crying at 6 in the morning. I couldn’t come to agree that the country I grew up in, the country that I called home, the place I ALWAYS defended when attacked by friends or on fb for being boring or restricting, the place that has all my memories, was nearly forcing me to leave. 

And then I thought about the refugees all over the world.

When I feel this horrible about leaving a country that I spent my life in but never gave me an assurity or promise to always be my home, imagine being kicked out of your own.country. That was a ‘waking up’ moment for me. Alhamdulillah we have so much, so so much, and yet we fail to realize or be grateful. We think we have no options but we do, we just try to go with the flow or find an easy way out. 

And Allah is the best of planners.

Just like there are things to love in KSA, I will find things to love wherever I am. Alhamdulillah, I believe I am wired like that. There are many,  many things I’ll miss, but there will be new places, faces, experiences, bonds, routine, habits, and it’s own share of ups and downs back home, in shaa Allah. It will take time to get used to, but it’s quite a bit of a relief that my family and most of my friends would only be a local phone call away. 

I request you all to remember us in your prayers. Please pray that the move is easy for us, the kids, especially; that the move brings more blessings and barakah for us, and make this a  better way to earn rewards for the Aakhirah. May Allah t’aala guide us, support us, protect us in every step of the way. ♥ Ameen.

{ Finally, I request my darling friends NOT to tag me in all the yummy stuff I’ll be missing out on. No Arabic/Italian food posts, no beautiful baking videos, no tempting offers and coupons of popular fast food joints 🤧.Thank you }

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One thought on “

  1. Hi dear ..loved reading your post… may Allah make things easy for u and all of us too.. yes u r right Allah is best of the planner, and maybe u r just leaving at the right time and things might get even worse. Have a hope. Be happy.

    Like

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