Dear women,
Dear me,
It must be difficult to do what you do, day in and day out. As a SAHM, as a single mom who does it all, a mom who has a day job, all of it or one & how you balance the entire world with your bare hands will always be amazing and more than enough.
Being a cook, a janitor, a helper that doesn’t ever get help. A nanny, a granny, and the one with a fanny when expected, switching from one position, one job to another, with a few layers, within minutes. To snap in and out of responsibilities. To get the job done. And then be judged.
It’s a thankless job. You don’t get salaries. You barely get looks of approval. Your friends are probably stuck in a rut of their own, and your social life is steeply dropping to a zero, if it hasn’t already. Heaven knows it takes twenty seconds to eat the food you cooked over three hours, and possibly two days to recover and clear the dirty dishes.
What would help?
Do you wish you could hire a cook to have just a thing or two off your chore list? But, woman, could the food, even if tasty, come close to the love you pour, stir, and serve? You could hire a maid, but she wouldn’t be cleaning up your sack out of care for your family. And that nanny? Well, she probably is wondering if she could demand more money because you turned off your Wi-Fi before you left home.
It’s a thankless job. Sure, you get smothered with kisses and hugs, but so does your dog, as do the grandparents, or the fav aunt. ‘Why couldn’t I just have a niece whom I can be with on her good days and escape from on others? Why did I have my own offsprings? ‘
From your morning tea to their thirst at bedtime, the struggles, the diplomatic tactics, the negotiations, the request, order, scoldings and eventual begging and tears, usually ours, day after day, for years, with barely any breaks. Why do we do it?
And who cares if you’re low? Who gives a damn that your hormones are playing you? People have got to eat. People need a tidy place not to lose their mind over. You have to keep going on your off period, if it exceeds a few hours.
You may have to wait for a while to be able to have a hot meal or guiltless deep sleep, about eighteen years is an estimation. You may pass every single day wondering if it is worth it, even if there would be moments every day that you know it very well damn is.
What do you get? The snuggles. The whiff of their hair. The giggles in their sleep. The steady, slow, strong snores. The slurping sounds at unexpected meals ( which means the food on your plate is probably gone by now). The tiny arm around your neck. Them imitating the way you pray. Eagerly asking what’s for lunch so they can be prepared to throw a tantrum. You going all ninja to dodge their whinings and getting then to eat. The rumbles and rants, with real words or gables. The drool. Yea, I said drool.
The part of you that wants to do better. To never lose hope because you know they learn from you. To smile because they’d understand when you’re sad.
Their eyelashes. Their haircuts. Those terrible nail clipping sessions. Using them to trick your husband to having a family day out. The way they squint at sunshine. The first visit to the zoo. The first glide down the slide and the thousands after. Them outgrowing those onesies. The dapper look in those jeans. The waistcoats! The frocks and frills.
From being scared of their own shadow to the transition to playing shadow puppets. Colouring to writing. To making a tiny human a good human; And taking pride in having tried your best in spite of all those crazy, crazy years.
Ask for all the help you can afford. Let the dishes soak and the laundry stink for a day or two. Taking a little time out won’t kill anyone.
You matter. Your smiles matter. Your tears matter. Your sanity matters. Your mental and physical good health is essential to lead your family forward. Without you, they’d survive, yes, but you are the life. You know them. Your efficiency, effort, and encouragement never goes to waste. It pays off, eventually.
If it doesn’t, kids grow up sooner or later and then you can have your life back. Power through!
PAPER BATTER BANTER 